Present

Present

Enjoy every moment

Don’t spend time worrying about the future, it will ruin your present!

I picked this tip up a while ago and initially I thought, I can’t agree with this as we need to ensure the future is secure for our son. A place to live, money to live on, a care package in place, what will happen when my wife and I do ‘pass on’ and care passes to another for our son, will he be looked after etc.

Shortly before I took early retirement, now 18 months ago, I was in a particularly bad place with worry. Our son had been going through really bad terrors and meltdowns and the future, his future looked so bleak and thoughts about the future for him seemed to be going round and round without any answer.

A close friend told me, ‘you can plan so much, but beyond that, you have no control. Do what you can and then enjoy the time you have together’ I don’t know why, but those words began to make sense to me and I began understanding that I cannot have the total control I thought I needed. Suddenly, I saw our lives as ones that we were struggling with, to get through each day, worrying about things that in truth, couldn’t have answers, but I realised we needed to accept some things don’t have an answer.

We wrote up our Wills, took advice on ensuring that if my wife and I passed, before our son, his inheritance would be held in trust so as to avoid impact on his social benefits. We made contact with Carers and Care homes, just in case, so we are known to them and we review these annually in line with current legislation provision and then we leave it alone.

I took early retirement and now spend every day we have, together. Sometimes getting out and about, wheel walking and photographing what we see, other times, we need to respect our sons need for the security and quiet of home, and busy ourselves in the garden, or books, or music until he feels better. We have become more relaxed, we see things clearer and in fact some of those worries are also being answer, and in different ways than we though they would.

Our worry had became so excessive, that our ‘present’ was being affected, by not enjoying it and not living it, but waiting for the future to arrive and no fond memories to look back on.

The present is called that for a reason, it is a gift. Tomorrow it will be in the past and gone, unable to be altered and tomorrow, the future has yet to come. If you don’t treat today as a gift, you will not have fond memories and fail to see the future with excitement and anticipation.

I learned a lot in these few words.

Our friend did also say to us, ‘if we, as is expected, survive our son, then what have we done with today’s present, that will allow us to still enjoy those days after, without succumbing to a sense of worthlessness at that time.

…. that is another chapter and more difficult, right now to consider.

6 thoughts on “Present

  1. Dear Paul I love your photo of Lady Bronte enjoying the sunshine at the patio table.

    The present is all we have realistically, that & the memories that we create. I too am a worrier, it’s one year today since we moved house. I had so many sleepless nights worrying about things that never came to pass. Ridiculous really. Now I make a conscious effort not to worry so much about things I have no control over.

    You’ve done the right thing to ensure that Marc is well cared for in the future if & when the time comes that you & Margaret aren’t around to look after him so now go & live your lives.

    None of us knows what is around the corner. I am an avid 24hrs in A&E watcher. As a former NHS employee I can’t help myself. To paraphrase one Doctor at the start of the programme “bad things happen to good people all the time, people go out one day & they never come back or their lives are changed forever”.

    I have read the book “The Road” by Cormac McCarthy twice, very thought provoking. What if Kim Jong-un or Donald Trump presses the big red button? In the words of Private Frazer “We’re all doomed Captain Mainwaring”. Where will all our worrying have gotten us then? Precisely nowhere!

    You must make the most of the now Paul, I’m not saying every day should be full of jolly activity, far from it. Marc appreciates his quiet times I know & enforced happiness is quite stifling. I myself find if people around me talk to much I can get quite withdrawn. But sitting quietly watching the birds flit around the garden can be just as rewarding as a wheel walk & visiting a new tearoom for coffee & cake – well nearly 🙂

    Wishing you, Margaret & Marc lots of happy, worry free days ahead. Bring on the future, you’re certainly ready for it.

    Julie xx

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words Julie. I’ve not read ‘The Road’ but will, and we too watch 24hrs in A&E and understand what you, and that Doctor says.

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